When I usually start babbling about watches to my fiancee and very soon to be wife she often turns a deaf ear. In her opinion and the opinions of past lady-friends alike, the topic of big ugly steel diving watches and watch movements is unsuitable for proper dinner conversation.

In the opinion of your humble presenter, however, this is a watch that no woman can ignore:

Chopard Happy Fish – 28/8347/8-402 Ladies Watch

You may be thinking that this is just one of those fancy wrist top aquariums all the kids are talking about, but it is actually quite a unique watch. This Chopard “Happy Fish” is pretty much a ladies diving watch full with a rubber strap, diver bezel, illuminated night markers, and it can probably handle the backyard pool just fine (not that it matters anyway).  In short, it has all the stuff you’d find on a diver’s watch, but ups the ante on design.

What makes this watch so interesting to me at least is that outside of the colorful strap, unheard of lugs, nipple-like crown, and childlike demeanor, is that it has 3 jeweled fish floating inside the watch case.  So if you are a fan of fish, as I claim to be, you can really dig it.  If it were socially acceptable for men to wear watches such as these your humble presenter would gladly take the plunge but I’m afraid this one is ladies only!

What I appreciate about Chopard is that they really do stray from convention with their watch collections, and they are one of very few companies in the otherwise serious and pretentious luxury watch world that would come out with a watch that is essentially like a toy.

But if you think about it, what are luxury watches if not expensive toys?  Toys are items that give us pleasure, they are objects that are unnecessary and made for our enjoyment.  Why spend your extra thousands on something that helps you blend into a crowd when you can buy a Chopard Happy Fish?

Bottom line is that if you are a woman with some cash to burn this is worth a look.  As a man I don’t know if I have any qualification to say that statement, or if my taste in womens’ watches causes eyebrows to raise, but I can tell you that if I were a woman, this is what I’d get!

Outside of any digital watch you may know of, what watch do you know of that has ALL of the following features:

- Compass
- Chronograph
- Thermometer
- Altimeter
- Barometer
- Alarm
- Time (obviously)

The T-Touch may be old news now that it has been out for a few years, but the number of watches that have come out that can match the T-Touch in its superior multi-functionality can barely be measured in single digits.

To sum it up, there is not a single watch quite like the Tissot T-Touch.

Tissot T-Touch Titanium – T33.7.888.92 Gents Watch

And would you just look at it! The T-Touch isn’t like your ugly Casio G-Shock, it’s a work of beauty with a pretty bracelet and a very clean and attractive design. It’s not too big, not to small, it’s dial is not too busy, yet not too simple either; it is just right. It comes in a variety of colors and straps, but in the opinion of your humble presenter, the titanium with the black carbon fiber dial as pictured above is the most attractive.

So then, how does it operate?

Well it’s not called the T “Touch” for nothing…

In this watch you will find technology that is more akin to a car’s GPS device rather than a watch. If you want to know the temperature or use the altimeter all you have to do is touch a part of the watch crystal and it will instantly tell you information you want to know. Get lost in the woods? Just touch the crystal in the 6 o’clock position above where it says “compass” and the hour and minute hands will instantly move to create an arrow pointing toward the magnetic north pole.

The T-Touch uses a touch-sensitive crystal so that in the instance that you ever got lost somewhere with bleeding hands and are otherwise incapable of operating complicated crowns and buttons, all you would have to do is use your bloodied hands to touch a part of the crystal so that you can at least know the time, altitude, temperature, and barometric pressure conditions in which you have perished.

Well that sounds all good on paper, and after personally handling the T-Touch I have to say that it is an interesting little novelty, but would you ever buy one?

Well the answer for me is a very simple NO!

For starters, the novelty of the watch is exactly that, a novelty! These things are notoriously unreliable and while a great number of T-Touch watches are made of titanium they are not able to withstand the knocks that their muscular facade leads their owners to believe. On top of that, if you get these watches in water any deeper than the kiddie pool, your watch is history.

The fact that the functions of the watch require the constant movement of the hours and minutes hands leads it to be quite thirsty in the battery department as well. So while it may be good to wear this thing to a weekend barbecue to impress your friend, trusting that its functions will work when you need it the most is a bit of a leap of faith.

I don’t really follow basketball, and the watches of ballers generally seem to tread on diamond-encrusted monostrosities that most watch enthusiasts steer very clear from, but in the case of Kobe Bryant that is a very different case .

So what gave the L.A. Lakers a taste of class?

Well it seems as though on May 20, 2008 Kobe had a moment of generosity when he surprised each one of his teammates with one of these:

Jaeger LeCoultre Master Compressor Chronograph – 1758470 Gents Watch

Yes it seems as though Kobe had the realization that without his teammates he would not be in the position he was in and surprised each and every one of his teammates with a personally engraved Jaeger LeCoultre watch.

As a watch brand Jaeger LeCoultre are rooted deep in the watchmaking tradition and have a history that goes well into the 19th century. They are most famed for their Reverso series of watches and gets a ton of respect from your humble presenter.

My being a fan of durable watches able to withstand the next nuclear holocaust makes me pass on considering this brand as a purchase, but for now the L.A. Lakers have just ascended to a higher class. That’s for sure!

This is very old news indeed, but is still one of my favorite tales of a watch in pop culture.

For a little background for those too young or forgetful to remember, in 1994 the world over watched as a seemingly guilty former football star named O.J. Simpson was found not guilty for the murders of his ex-wife Nicole Brown and her friend Ron Goldman.

It was an upsetting loss for the families of the victims, but in 1997 some solace came in the way of a wrongful death civil trial victory. This basically ordered O.J. Simpson to pay the victims’ families over $30 million in damages. The fact that O.J. didn’t have that much money, however, landed him in the situation that he would have to pretty much give over all of his worldly possessions and future earnings to the Goldman and Brown family.

Years of loopholes and convenient relocations, however, have meant that the Goldman and Brown families couldn’t exactly net every single dollar they had coming to them. So naturally when they saw this on O.J.’s wrist, they sprung into action:

To the untrained eyes this looks like an everyday solid gold Rolex Submariner that can be had for around $18,000 – $22,000 depending on where you shop. To the Goldman and Brown families this represented a whole lot more. To them it was not only $10,000+ in uncollected debt, but a sign of disrespect.

How can a man who supposeably murder their kids and owes them millions of dollars, after all, still be rolling around with a bling Rolex on his wrist?

Your ordinary Rolex Submariner is made largely of stainless steel and can be had for about $5,000. O.J.’s Rolex, however, is a SOLID GOLD model that costs at least 3 times as much. Not only is O.J. ballin’ with a Rolex, but with one of the most bling Rolex watches that can be had. In my mind, this is an unacceptable situation.

Well luckily a judge felt the same way that I did and ordered that the watch be turned over to Fred Goldman, the father of the murdered Ron Goldman, so that Fred can now spend his days ballin’ just like O.J.

But wait…

Naturally when you think of NFL football players retired or otherwise, you think that a Rolex and the high life comes as an industry standard. Even when celebrities are down it seems as though they still manage to live their lives on a higher plane than you.

When I heard of O.J.’s Rolex tale I thought it an amusing little tidbit at first, but it seems that it took an even more interesting turn when it was found that the Rolex O.J. handed over was a Chinese fake barely worth a hundred bucks.

I guess he wasn’t doing so well after all…

If you have read my previous comments about the Seiko Black Monster you will know that I am a HUGE fan of this watch. The first thing that hits you about this watch is the astounding amount of quality you get for such a low price. That value, in turn, comes freedom, and here’s how…

Having a watch like a Black Monster takes away any consideration you might have for that watch. You KNOW that this watch can handle ANYTHING, and what’s great is that if you knock it around to destruction, just buy another one! Get it stolen? buy another one! They are SO cheap and yet have the accuracy and all the features you’d find in a $5,000 Rolex. Their luminous treatment is the brightest I’ve ever seen, it has a diver’s extension, bezel, both a push-button clasp and a foldover clasp for added security, and it’s an AUTOMATIC.

Here’s a picture of the little guy here in the office:

Seiko Men’s “Black Monster” Automatic Dive Watch #SKX779K3

If it’s raining, snowing, or if I’m going snowboarding or rock climbing, the first and ONLY watch I consider is my Seiko Black Monster. When one of my buddies and I saw Radiohead at Nissan Pavilion this past Sunday, the rain was treacherous and we were soaked to the bone. My Black Monster, however, was immaculate!

What can I say, it’s a trooper, and unlike my Rolex Submariner I can take it anywhere without the awareness of having a $5,000 watch on my wrist that some junta would gladly chop my arm off for.

But while that sounds all well and good, one thing to keep in mind is that you are not ALWAYS doing things that are EXTREME!!! In fact most of the time I’m usually just sitting around and being a lazy pig. And to me wearing such a chunky diving watch while watching TV or getting comfy with your best girl is just a little too much. To me it’s like taking a Humvee and trying to thread it through New York City traffic. It’s just not necessary!

I love the watch when I’m off being a adrenaline junkie, but in the civilized world it is a little much. First of all, it is VERY heavy and really chunky. The case is as thick as a sandwich and the weight really makes itself known when you are mellowing out.

The weight, however, is not so bad. The most important gripe I have with this watch is that it is an automatic watch that cannot be manually wound. In other words it means that in order to keep the watch wound and powered I have to wear it for a certain amount of time or else it will stop when left alone.  This is one reason why the Seiko Black Monster can afford to be so cheap.
In contrast, a “normal” automatic watch allows you to manually wind a watch by rotating the crown and thus bypasses the need to use the rotor to wind the watch. For comparisons sake let’s compare the use of a whisk to a blender in creating a batter. The Seiko Black Monster would be the whisk in that you need high energy movements for a longer period time to make a batter. A “normal” automatic watch, however, would be like a blender in that you just simply press a button and it does the work for you.

If the Seiko Black Monster were my only watch that would not be much of a problem as my wearing it every day would power it enough, but the problem is that it is not my only watch, and as of yet I do not own a watch winder, so the end result is that I wear the Black Monster a whole lot more than I want to, and just end up manually winding and neglecting my other watches.

When it’s all said and done, the Seiko Black Monster may be as tough as Sylvester Stallone and my personal choice if there should ever be a nuclear holocaust, but has the downside in that it hogs your attention just like a newborn baby.

“Help! The ‘Battery’ in my brand new Rolex has just died!”

If you have ever uttered those words in your lifetime then you are an utter fool with more dollars than sense. (Of course if you have the uncommon Rolex Oysterquartz than I am the utter fool).

It’s sad, but while Rolex may be a fantastic watch to buy for every conceivable purpose, it also has a reputation for being a luxury item that rich people tend to buy when they should happen to have extra cash or a watch people give to loved ones on special occasions. In other words, they are not necessarily for the watch enthusiast.

What seems to happen quite often, however, is that the shiny new watch you just got for graduation, or the watch you should happen to buy yourself after that brand new promotion just ends up being a cause of frustration and large scale confusion in the very beginning, and here’s why…

Let me lay out the scenario:

1. Brandon Sausage is a frugal American law student in his 20’s who has for his whole life enjoyed the simple things in life and has never had much of an interest in watches. He has worn the same digital Casio ever since high school replacing the battery every few years.

2. Upon graduating from law school he finds that his parents have just bought him a brand new Rolex. Brandon thinks it’s really cool and wears it all day. He looks at it and the time is dead on accurate.

3. Thinking that wearing such a high dollar watch in public is a little too extravagant for everyday wear, Brandon puts the Rolex back in the box and tucks it away in a safe place.

4. Brandon is going out on a date with Sally Strange. She is smoking hot and Brandon really wants to impress her, so he breaks out the Rolex and slaps it on his wrist with the hopes that the Rolex will pave a one-way highway to her bedroom.

5. On the way to the restaurant Brandon notices that while it is night time and his Rolex is clearly moving, the time on the watch is showing as 3:10. He looks at his mobile phone as well as the clock in his car, and it is showing the time as 7:30 p.m. On top of that Brandon knows that it is the 20th of the month but the date on his watch is showing as the 10th.

6. Brandon, in a large state of confusion, meets up with Sally but finds that he cannot hold a conversation. He is in a state of dismay because he believes his brand new high dollar Rolex is broken and is frightened at the cost of possible repairs, the hassle of sending it off for service, and feels generally lousy at the thought that his parents high dollar and meaningful gift appears to be a lemon.

7. Sally, noticing that Brandon is not paying attention to her, walks out on him and poor Brandon is left alone seated at the table with a huge bill, a seemingly malfunctioning watch, and ends up the laughingstock of all the fellow diners there.

8. In a state of frustration Brandon finally sets the time and date right again and leaves the watch on his nightstand and goes to bed hoping that everything will “fix” itself overnight.

9. Wondering why his Casio can tell perfect time in an instant and why his high dollar Rolex doesn’t seem to be able to do something as simple as tell the time he falls asleep to awaken to a watch that has stopped altogether.

10. In a panic, and thinking that his Rolex works under the same principle as his cheap Casio, calls a Rolex dealer to see what the problem might be. He states that his “battery” has just died, and upon picking up the watch notices that it has started moving again.

11. Largely confused, the dealer has finally cleared things up for Brandon, and while he is pacified and while all is well with his watch, he feels an utter fool.

Here is the skinny:

Rolex watches, and most high-priced watches, operate in a COMPLETELY different way from your everyday watch that you see for sale at mall kiosks. They DO NOT use a battery and they DO NOT use a quartz movement to tell the time.

The VAST majority of watches today operate by the use of a quartz movement and a battery, but before the invention of the quartz watch by Seiko, all watches operated by the use of a springs, gears, levers, balance wheel, rotor, and other components. Today they are called mechanical watches and unlike a quartz watch they have to be constantly wound to operate.

For comparison, think about a music box. A music box has to be wound to operate. A watch like a Rolex is obviously more complicated than a music box, but the principles are basically the same.

Most Rolex watches have something called an automatic movement. This uses a rotor that uses the motions of the wearer to wind the watch. If you wear it everyday than you will never notice a problem, but if you leave it alone for a couple of days the watch will die on you because it needs to be wound again.

To relate back to the story, the reason why Brandon’s watch showed the wrong time on the way to his date is because he stored the watch and it stopped because it needed further winding. When he picked it up for his date it started up again, but because he hadn’t wore it in so long, the watch was starting from the time it last stopped and wasn’t telling the right time and date.

Similarly, the watch stopped overnight because Brandon’s movements on his date was probably not enough to wind the watch fully. It started again when he picked it up on his call to the jeweler because his motions wound it just enough to get it started again.

So there you have it, if you have just come into some Benjamins and are thinking about a Rolex, just keep it wound and you’ll be alright.

It is a rainy Friday in the Washington D.C. Metropolitan area and I’m not in all that great a mood. It is raining to start, my allergies have had me floored for the last week or so, and I’m positive that I will have to spend the better part of an hour fighting Friday evening traffic to make it home from my office which is only 13 miles away. On top of that I can expect to add 25% to that commute time because it seems as though when roads get wet in this area everyone and their moms suddenly forget how to drive.

Well I’m bored and in a bad mood so your humble presenter just thought it would be a fine time to recollect upon a time where he was so gruesomely violated (watch-wise) by rude salespeople who thought they could so accurately judge me.

For a brief background, my lady and I live in a beautiful condo in affluent Montgomery County, Maryland. Both of us are young, college-educated, and while we are not millionaires, we like to treat ourselves to nice things every so often. For my job I dress to impress and look presentable and polished most of the time. On the weekends, however, I like to relax. It is unfortunate, but my idea of relaxing also happens to include dressing like a hobo who looks as though he has just, “wandered into civilization from the mountains,” as my girl likes to put it.

Should my lousy dressing abilities, however, limit me to a life of poor customer service?

Here’s the skinny:

On a cool Sunday morning after my lady and I had some breakfast at an upscale shopping center we just so happened to stop by a small watch store. From what I can sum up this store was a small independent watch store with a collection of watches that ranged from cheap everyday Seiko and Citizen watches to a small but very prominently displayed collection of Montblanc watches.

Being a lover of all types of watches encompassing a wide range of colors, sizes, shapes, and prices, I spent a considerable amount of time looking at the various Seiko and Hamilton models they had on display. Being a HUGE fan of Hamilton I spent most of my time looking at the various Hamilton watch models on display that ranged from price from about $300-$500. For the most part the salesman was friendly and courteous, but when it came to handing over the watches for my viewing and handling, his huffing and puffing had started to work on my nerves. It was as though he had the mentality that my hands were covered in bat guano.

The big clincher for me was that when I asked to see if he had an automatic GMT watches (basically mechanical watches with a fourth “24 hour” hand that can be used to track day/night and/or second time zones) he pointed to this behind the display case:

Montblanc Timewalker GMT Automatic – 36065 Gents Watch

Montblanc, for all not in the know, are the Rolex of the luxury pen world, and their German overpriced pen-ly goodness can be found protruding from shirt pockets of doctors and lawyers worldwide.

In the last few years they have branched out to the luxury watch market and starting pumping out a bunch of watches that for the most part are well-liked and warmly received.

To be honest though I have no opinion of them because I don’t know anything about them. I was hoping to change that by looking at this watch that very day but was shocked when the salesman declined my request.

His exact words were, I believe, “I’m sorry sir but I don’t think this piece is within your price range.”

The fact is that your humble presenter has walked into much finer watch stores and handled $75,000 Patek Philippe watches without a single look of scrutiny. Throughout the years your humble presenter has owned Tag Heuer, Rolex, Omega, Movado, Hamilton, and many other fine brands and never throughout the buying process was told that they were not within my price range.

Well my lady would not have it and immediately responded by so sternly saying, “Excuse me, but I don’t believe we told you our price range.” In which the salesman stated the price of the watch (which was somewhere around $2,000) as though it were the GDP of a small nation.

Did my weekend attire subject me to such harsh treatment, or was I treaty so unjustly perhaps because of my age or perhaps the color of my skin? Did the fact that I was previously looking at cheaper watches project a presumed price range in the salesman’s mind?

I don’t don’t know what it was, and frankly I don’t care, but it is a sad state of affairs that whenever I should happen to look at a Montblanc watch I am constantly reminded of the snobbery and elitism that can sometimes come with the luxury watch industry.

What is the most popular watch brand in these United States?

No, I’m not talking about the most popular luxury watch brand in the United States, I am talking about the brand that most people look to when then want a watch that is affordable, functional, reliable, and fun.

Well, if you have answered anything else but Timex, then you probably have not lived within the last half century.

For a brief background for all of whom not in the know, Timex has always been an American watch company. They were founded in 1854 under a different name and initially gained fame for their famous Mickey Mouse clock that used the hands of that lovable cartoon rodent to tell the time.

Ever since then they have become a huge manufacturer of watches and have always advertised themselves as tough and rugged. They have produced watches for many luxury marques as well and they can, as they say, “take a licking and keep on ticking.” In terms of watches, they are as American as apple pie.

I’m sorry to say, however, that despite the obvious brilliance of the Timex watch, your humble presenter has always found Timex to be beneath him. After all, how can a man who drapes himself in Rolex, Omega, and other high-end watches subject himself to wear something as low and pedestrian as a Timex. When I hear that even our President of the United States wears a Timex, that makes me want a Timex even less.

It’s funny, but as a way to connect with the American people, that idea is absolutely brilliant. Forgot about the fact that the President has got more cream than you and I can probably ever have in our lifetimes, the fact that a steelworker from Detroit can walk into a bar and claim that he wears the same watch as the President of the United States means something. And if you should happen to wear a nicer watch than the President, maybe you can trick yourself into believing that the President of the United States might actually be working for YOU.

Despite all of that, however, the truth of the matter is that Timex is a perfectly fine watch brand and I respect them hugely. The don’t try to be anything they’re not, they are functional and reliable yet they don’t try to impress, and above all are comfortable with who they are.

Whereas a Rolex is a doctor, and an Omega is an aerospace engineer, a Timex is your everyday blue collar assembly line worker from St. Louis. He has no immediate aspirations and may not have the most handsome face, the most money, or the prettiest wife, but he’s tough and reliable and likes himself just fine.

No doubt you have seen this watch (or something like it) on the wrists of at least a couple people that you have bumped into today:

Timex T5g6919j Ironman Triathlon 50 Lap Mens Watch

The Timex Ironman series is one of the best selling watches in history, and why not; It is tough, reliable, and above all cheap. It has some features that may be useful for you in real life. I don’t know what those features may be, but if you were to have the same features on some mechanical Omega or Patek Philippe Split-Second Chronograph Minute Repeater or whatever, you would have to pay many thousands of dollars for something you can essentially buy in a $50.oo package.

That sounds all well and good, but part of being a watch enthusiast is that when it comes to watches, you do things that just don’t make any damn sense. You spend hundreds or thousands of dollars on more troublesome and less accurate mechanical watches (run on springs and gears and such) rather than on the sensible quartz watch that are a fraction of the price and comes with a fraction of the headaches.

Well I have to confess that I have often been tempted by the Timex bug. I can’t quite put it to words, but there is something about its basic functionality that I can really appreciate. Just this past weekend when I was shopping with the missus I just so happened to stray toward the watch section of the store, as was my custom. Target has never had such a great or prestigious collection of watches, but even looking at their ho-hum watches beats shopping for potting soil, so I just happened to have a gander.

I even ran across my favorite Timex:

Timex T49626ea Expedition Rugged Field Mens Watch

I don’t know what it is about the Timex Expedition series, but I absolutely LOVE this watch and this watch series. I love the fact that it is as accurate and reliable as the sun, has all the functions you look for, and is so cheap. I love its looks, and I have always thought the “Indiglo” of Timex is really really cool. Just one touch of the crown and your watch is instantly bathed in an eerie greenish glow that makes you think to yourself that you must be on an alien spaceship.

I would love to have this watch, but I just can’t. It’s quartz and it’s a Timex. I just can’t…

In these economically uneasy times it is hard to go anywhere in this country without seeing signs of financial woe.  Whether it be middle-class families selling of their precious goods to pay the bills, or the struggling working-class mother who finds the already high price of food and gas rise beyond reach.

I even hear that the ultra-wealthy are curbing their spending on luxury goods in lieu of these uneasy times.  Apparently though there are still plenty of people out there whose pocketbook has been unaffected in these recent times, because in the recent Sotheby’s “Important Watch” Auction held on April 23, 2008, a new record was acheived for the purchase of a Rolex wristwatch in the tune of a whopping $505,000.00, and here it is:

I don’t know whether or not it is because this watch was previously owned by Eric Clapton (probably not) or because this 1971 “Albino” Rolex Daytona is among the rarest of its kind, but this Rolex set a record for being the second-highest price ever achieved at auction for a Rolex.  This watch is unusual because unlike other Rolex Daytona watches of its time the sub-dials do not contrast in color with the color of the main dial and are instead all silver in color.

No doubt about it, this watch is cool, but in the opinion of your humble presenter, if I were to spend top dollar on a vintage Rolex, I would have one of the more “traditional” “Paul Newman” Rolex Cosmograph Daytona watches any day of the week.