When I usually start babbling about watches to my fiancee and very soon to be wife she often turns a deaf ear. In her opinion and the opinions of past lady-friends alike, the topic of big ugly steel diving watches and watch movements is unsuitable for proper dinner conversation.

In the opinion of your humble presenter, however, this is a watch that no woman can ignore:

Chopard Happy Fish – 28/8347/8-402 Ladies Watch

You may be thinking that this is just one of those fancy wrist top aquariums all the kids are talking about, but it is actually quite a unique watch. This Chopard “Happy Fish” is pretty much a ladies diving watch full with a rubber strap, diver bezel, illuminated night markers, and it can probably handle the backyard pool just fine (not that it matters anyway).  In short, it has all the stuff you’d find on a diver’s watch, but ups the ante on design.

What makes this watch so interesting to me at least is that outside of the colorful strap, unheard of lugs, nipple-like crown, and childlike demeanor, is that it has 3 jeweled fish floating inside the watch case.  So if you are a fan of fish, as I claim to be, you can really dig it.  If it were socially acceptable for men to wear watches such as these your humble presenter would gladly take the plunge but I’m afraid this one is ladies only!

What I appreciate about Chopard is that they really do stray from convention with their watch collections, and they are one of very few companies in the otherwise serious and pretentious luxury watch world that would come out with a watch that is essentially like a toy.

But if you think about it, what are luxury watches if not expensive toys?  Toys are items that give us pleasure, they are objects that are unnecessary and made for our enjoyment.  Why spend your extra thousands on something that helps you blend into a crowd when you can buy a Chopard Happy Fish?

Bottom line is that if you are a woman with some cash to burn this is worth a look.  As a man I don’t know if I have any qualification to say that statement, or if my taste in womens’ watches causes eyebrows to raise, but I can tell you that if I were a woman, this is what I’d get!

The fear quakes in your knees, your heart races, you feel a strangeness in your bosom and your meager breakfast is on the verge of a full scale return…

What could possibly be going on you ask?

Well today my small steps within a Maryland courthouse translated into gigantic leaps in my life when I finally went ahead and picked up my marriage license.

As an event I equate it like getting alcohol rubbed on your skin before the big shot comes. The anticipation brought havoc to my stomach and my insides felt as though it were composed of mush, but once I got that little piece of paper I realized that it was no big deal at all and went on my merry way.

So driving to work were my immediate thoughts of the bright future I would have with my future wife? Or perhaps plans for the wedding?

The short answer is no…

I’m afraid that the watch nut in me couldn’t help but immediately think of what watch I want to sucker my friends and family into buying for me.

I’m pretty sure that it’ll be an Omega just because out of all the watches I’ve owned over the years my old Omega was the toughest and most reliable of them all. There’s no getting around it, I’m a huge Omega fan and love the huge majority of their model line and just love the years and years of breeding that goes into an Omega watch.

The choice was tough, but I’ve narrowed it down to a few watches I personally consider to be perfect:

No. 1

Omega Seamaster Planet Ocean – 2201.50.00 Gents Watch

I really like this watch a lot, and I think it is a perfect “marriage” of both the older Omega Seamaster design and the Rolex Submariner design. It is tough as nails, sleek, stylish, and just awesome, but that’s not all…

There is another reason I want this watch, and it is a stupid reason indeed. You see on the Playstation 3 network, the name I use to play Call of Duty 4 online is “planetocean.” I have defeated countless opponents with this name and have been defeated countless times myself, and it is getting to a point where I’m starting to feel pretty silly having that name without having the actual watch.

Yeah…

No. 2:

Omega Speedmaster Broad Arrow GMT – 3581.30.00 Gents Watch

This watch is perfect to me for two reasons: That being it is an Omega and that it has both a chronograph AND a GMT. And what’s more is that it’s from the Speedmaster line, so that means your watch was borne from the watch that Neil Armstrong, Buzz Aldrin, and many other astronauts wore to the MOON.  Zounds!

On top of that I LOVE the red date, the color of the dial, and just the darn professionalism of the thing. I’ve never actually worn it so my opinion may change, but I fell in love with this watch the first moment I saw this.

Sadly I don’t think my friends and family like me enough to spend 5K on a watch for me so let’s move on…

No. 3

Chopard Mille Miglia Gran Turismo XL – 16/8457-BK Gents Watch

Lastly I was thinking this Chopard Mille Miglia Gran Turismo XL is the shiznit. It’s got the name of one of my favorite video games on the dial, I love how the dial is like the instrument panel of a car, I love how the power reserve indicator is like a fuel guage, and I especially love the tire tread strap.

This watch is in a class all its own!

To be honest with you I’m not getting my hopes up, my circle consists largely of criminals and pensioners, and that’s just speaking of my father. So you guys can relax, you ain’t got get me nothing.  I’ll just as gladly settle for a pint and we can consider us all square.

I’m not one to partake in this country’s disgusting obsession with celebrities, but when it comes to the watches, and especially when it comes to the watch of Simon Cowell, I just can’t get enough of it.

If you don’t know who Simon Cowell is then my guess is that you have not been living in the past decade or so. This guy is EVERYWHERE! And when it comes to whether I’m in the “love him” camp or the “hate him” camp, I will freely admit that I really like this guy. This guy is really entertaining, witty, funny, charming, and just a class act all the way.

My guess is that he is not much of a watch fan, or much of a watch collector. Every time I should happen to see him on TV he is wearing the same one, but what a watch he wears. I just positively love the thing. Here he is wearing this mystery watch on an appearance of the British TV show Top Gear.

Now because the brilliant British car program Top Gear is one of my favorite TV shows, I know that Simon Cowell has got quite a taste for expensive cars (as well as some serious racing skills), so it wasn’t entirely out of left field for me to assume that the watch of this multimillionaire super celebrity would be out of reach of the likes of me.

But to my pleasant surprise, while this watch is of course expensive, it is not really that expensive at all. Us wage earners could probably pick this thing up with just 2 or 3 of our hard-earned paychecks, and what’s best is that we won’t have to sell our kidneys just to get one.

So what is this mystery watch I’m talking about? It is is this spectacular Chopard Mille Miglia:

Chopard Mille Miglia Mens’ Automatic Chronograph Watch Titanium Grey Dial on Black Rubber Strap 16-8407

Now for you racing dunderheads out there, the Mille Miglia (Italian for one thousand miles) was an historic race that look place in Italy for almost 25 years. There hasn’t been a Mille Miglia race since 1957, but Chopard’s official timekeeping of one of the events gave Chopard’s Mille Miglia collection its name.

Now for you watch dunderheads out there, Chopard may not be a name you immediately recognize, but it is a formidable brand indeed. As far as watchmaking goes it is easily within the same league as Rolex, IWC, Omega, and other such luxury marques. It is one of those brands where you pick up one of their pieces and wonder how they ever were able to make such a quality watch and sell it at such a price.

Whereas with Rolex you may feel as though you may have overpaid, with Chopard you pick one up and wonder where within the watch the “catch” lies. During one trip to the watch store I was able to wear one for a few minutes and was really quite taken aback. I love the contrast between the sub-dials and the dial, I love the big racing-like numerals on the dial, and I love how much the numbers on the dial of this watch remind me of the numbers you may find on a racing car’s instrument panel. The tire tread strap is an especially nice touch.

Personally this type of watch contrasts with my simple and functional taste in watches. In other words, too fancy for me, but I really love the look and theme of the watch. My taste in watches seem to change every day though, so who knows, maybe one day I will love this beautiful watch.