If you are in the market for an expensive, plain-looking watch that will capture no one’s attention and of which will probably cost a lot to service, the most obvious choice has always been a Patek Philippe.

Patek Philippe watches, as i had mentioned earlier, are for the truly rich, because if a normally rich person spent over
ten thousand dollars on a watch, they would want the world to know it and they wouldn’t want it to look like it was picked out of a plastic watch case at the local drug store.

Can you imagine if you spent almost 15 THOUSAND dollars for a watch that looked like this:

Patek Philippe Calatrava – 5196J Gents Watch

I’m not joking, that is what it actually costs!

Now I happen to consider myself not to be of the flashy type, but if I spent several thousands of dollars I would want it to be so beautiful that everyone who saw it would it would vomit at the sight of their own watches.  I would want it to be so unutterably gorgeous that you would just want to wear it day in and day out, forever!

Now I must say that my picking on Blancpain didn’t just come at random, because for the first time ever, I actually saw someone wearing one and the most immediate thought, after what he had been smoking when he bought that, was which Blanc PLAIN, I mean… err… Blancpain it was.

Turns out it was this:

Blancpain 2850-1127-53 Leman Pearl White Dial Leather Alligator Men’s Automatic Watch

So where with Patek Philippe you got blandness that has never costed more, with Blancpain you have blandness at a fairly reasonable price.  Think about it, this is an automatic wristwatch from a reputable, albeit lesser-known watchmaker, for around $5,000.00.

And would you look at it, it’s a shade better looking than the Patek as well with its skeleton hands and big date as well.

And what more would you expect from a company known for some of the worlds smallest and thinnest movements.  I get the impression that with Blancpain, minimalism is on the menu and that’s fine.  I respect how Blancpain is a “pure” watchmaker.  They are the only major Swiss manufacturer to have never have made a quartz watch, they make watches with “complications,” and they make watches for divers such as Jacques Costeau.  I really do respect that, but I wouldn’t want to own one…

One thing that I absolutely hate about many watch fanatics is our insistence on keeping around the old, our insistence on the idea that what watchmakers have done decades ago is still supreme, and our insistence to remain unchanged on our viewpoints.

We still wear watches with unnecessarily complicated and cumbersome mechanical movements,  we still wear watches whose basic design hasn’t changed for decades, and for no reason I can think of, we still hail the dull watch designs of Patek Philippe as the holy grail of watchmaking.  (That dullness, by the way, comes at a hefty price):

Patek Philippe Calatrava Men’s Manual Wind Watch 18K Yellow Gold Off White Dial on Brown Crocodile Strap 5196J

To me, most watch enthusiasts are like those annoying neighborhood association idiots who “preserve” the goodness of your community by suing you if you should happen to do something out of the ordinary.  They tell you how you should mow your lawn, they scold you for having an ugly car parked outside your house, and they freak out if your house color is anything outside of the usual shades of beige or brick red.

Yup, watch enthusiasts tend to be hopelessly traditional when it comes to watches, but it’s funny because they are usually quite progressive when it comes to other stuff.  They seem to enjoy fast and impractical cars, they are HUGE fans of consumer electronics, they like modern design, and they generally care for the finer things in life.

So why is it that when it comes to watches, we are so boneheaded?

Well, when it comes to newer watch companies, making outrageous watches is alright, because no one really cares.  Similarly, if you are a company known for making unique watches, such as Seiko, that’s alright too, because it fits the character.

But when one of the good old boys suddenly breaks out the stonewashed jeans, buys a Lamborghini, and goes insane, it’s not quite so well-received…

Truer words have never been spoken when it comes to the Zenith watch company.  You see as a company, they’ve been around just as long as all the other watch dinosaurs.  Their movements, furthermore, are held in such high regard that even Rolex used one of their movements for their flagship Daytona model.  And yes, they are one of the few Swiss watch companies that DO make their own movements.

For years they have been making excellent watches that never offended anyone.  Watches just like this beautiful Class T El Primero:

Zenith Class T El Primero Automatic Mens’ Watch Stainless Steel Black Dial on Black Strap 03.0510.4002/21.c492

But lately something at Zenith has changed.  Some say that the management has gone bonkers, but I think they have gone a step in the right direction, with this:

Zenith Defy Xtreme Chronograph – 96.0525.4000/21.M525 Gents Watch

Zenith calls this series the “Defy,” and DEFY is certainly what it does.  Some say good taste, some say the company’s reputation, but I think what they have done is defied the stupid watch conventions that have existed for decades.  The things that we always wanted to change, but never have because we were too afraid of how we’d look.

I think that what Zenith has done is found the balls to transform one of the pillars of the watch world and helped to shift the industry to the 21st century.  I think it proves that old dogs can learn new tricks, and I think it is refreshing to see a watch company design a watch that looks like it was designed in this decade.

Instead of its expensive price tag being attributed to gold, diamonds, and all the usual “luxury” stuff, the Defy is chalk full of space-age materials like carbon fiber, aluminum, and titanium.  In other words, a very modern lot of luxury materials.

And it seems that Rolex has finally branched out a little as well, especially with the introduction of the Yacht-Master II, the biggest watch they’ve ever built:

Rolex Oyster Perpetual Yacht-Master II Mens Watch 116689-WAO

Not particularly well-received, the Yachtmaster faces the same problem as the new Zenith Defy.  It is basically an extremely off-the-path design from a company known for making conventional non-offensive luxury watches for the masses.  (The fact that it has a countdown timer no one outside the yachting world would every use doesn’t help its case either).

No I’m afraid that it seems as though there will still be some time before the sourpusses take off their boring 20th century watches, and start adopting one of the modern designs built for the decade, but I personally can’t wait for the day when I see more variety on people’s wrists.

Besides the limited production, ultra-expensive, unreachable Patek Philippe Sky-Moon Tourbillon, of whose price tag can reach well past the 7-figure mark, the Jaeger LeCoultre Reverso is the only other major luxury watch series that offers a double-sided wristwatch.  So if you ever get bored looking at the same dial with the same stuff on it, you can turn it over.

Unlike the Patek Philippe Sky-Moon Tourbillon, however, with the Jaeger LeCoultre Reverso series of watches you can simply flip the face over to the other side without having to take off the whole watch altogether.  Obviously the Patek Philippe is a lot more complicated:

But the Jaeger LeCoultre Reverso series of watches are a lot easier to use and cost more than one MILLION dollars less.  On top of that you can much more easily impress your friends:

To start, it looks like any other  dress watch:

Jaeger-LeCoultre Reverso Gran’Sport Duo Men’s Manual Two Time Zone Watch Stainless Steel on Black Rubber Strap 294.86.01 or Q2948601

Then with just a quick, flip-over motion…

Jaeger-LeCoultre Reverso Gran’Sport Duo Men’s Manual Two Time Zone Watch Stainless Steel on Black Rubber Strap 294.86.01 or Q2948601

You have an entirely different watch:

Jaeger-LeCoultre Reverso Gran’Sport Duo Men’s Manual Two Time Zone Watch Stainless Steel on Black Rubber Strap 294.86.01 or Q2948601

It becomes an ENTIRELY different watch.  Different dial color, different character, and different overall demeanor.  It’s like two watches in ONE!

Being as I am currently in Boston for work, I’m thinking about how this watch would be brilliant for business tavel, because if you think about it (and I have), a normal GMT  watch always has a  pronounced 4th hour hand to track a second time zone.  Why do you need that ALL the time?

What I appreciate about this particular Jaeger LeCoultre Reverso is that it goes great with business attire.  I think a watch like this would look stupid with anything other than a suit personally, but what a watch!  On top of that it reads the time precisely enough so that you get an accurate time reading on the primary face, but when you phone the wife, the reverse side gives you a general understanding of the time back home.  I mean it’s not like you need to pick up the kids or anything, so why do you need to know the precise seconds or anything like that?

Not all Reverso watches, however, are purely for tracking second timezones and offer a number of different options, I, however, don’t see much of a point.  This Reverso is the one I’d have, but I wouldn’t have one.

And here’s why…

As a man who does not like formal attire, I would not see much of an opportunity for me to wear one.  And similar to my problem with the Tissot T-Touch, the watch seems to focus primarily on its novelty.  It may have a rubber strap and a stainless steel case, but the mechanism that flips over the watch is delicate.  This is not a watch you can simply bash around.

The watch, furthermore, is a manual-wind watch, which means that you have to wind it every other day in order to keep it running.  I don’t personally care to do that as I think automatic watches are troublesome enough.  No… I’m afraid I will still continue to covet the good old Rolex Explorer II…

…there is NO need to show it off.

Truer words have never been spoken when it comes to the case of Patek Philippe. Patek Philippe is widely regarded to be the best watchmaker in the world, and I’m not talking about one of the best, I am talking about THE best watchmaker in the world.

For me, It’s not hard to see why:

When it comes to complications, no company is up to the challenge as much as Patek Philippe, and for those who don’t know what a complication is, it is basically considered to be a timekeeping function outside of a just keeping the time and date. For example: for a watch to account and adjust for various days in certain months AND to keep track of the leap year (a.k.a. perpetual calendar) is considered a complication.

And it’s not just the number of complications Patek Philippe tries, it is the complicated-ness of the complication that just makes them absolutely stellar. Whereas Rolex may make some silly 10 minute spaghetti timer and consider it a complication, Patek Philippe will chart the skies of Geneva so that on any given day you can see what the stars look like over Switzerland.

Here is one such example in the Patek Philippe Ref. 5102J:

“So what?” Mr. Joe Oneball from down the street may ask. “My Casio G-Shock can do all those things and more, what’s the big deal?”

While I will discuss the vast differences between mechanical watches and quartz/digital watches later, I will just say that while those different types of watches can essentially perform the same functions, they go about carrying those functions in COMPLETELY different ways, and that’s what makes the difference. So hang on Mr. Uniball, your answer is coming.

Another thing I hugely respect out of Patek Philippe is their almost obnoxiously modest styling.

To use an example from the car world I will use the Audi RS4. Now for those who aren’t that familiar with it, the Audi RS4 is basically a masterpiece high-performance version of the Audi A4 4-door sedan. But unlike similar cars in its price range it doesn’t really advertise its huge price tag. It has more tailpipes than the standard car and subtle “RS4″ badges imprinted on it, but that’s only because it needs it. I guarantee you that everything on an Audi RS4 has a purpose and there is nothing there that doesn’t absolutely need to be there, but here’s a question, would you want to buy one?

Audi A4 (starting at: $28,900)

Audi RS4 (starting at: $66,900)

I don’t know about you, but let’s say that I’m a middle-class American (which I am) who saves his hard-earned dollars in the hopes of one day buying a high-performance car. I may be well aware that the Audi RS4 is the driving equivalent of God on wheels, but where is the satisfaction of paying so much for a car if it looks almost exactly like every other cheap Audi on the road? I KNOW that it’s a quality vehicle and I KNOW I will absolutely adore it, but I just would not be able to get over that nagging fact that my 70 thousand dollar Audi looks like an Audi even my elderly mother would drive.

So what’s my point with all this car mumbo jumbo? It’s simply this, Patek Philippe is the Audi RS4 of the watch world. It may make watches that are as legendary and as brilliant as Pink Floyd, but if Patek Philippe were a band who performed on stage, all you would see are a bunch of acne-riddled teenagers in t-shirts and sneakers.

To offer another example, a tourbillon is a watch complication that is widely considered to be the ultimate watch complication. It is basically a rotating cage for the watch “engine,” and to watchmakers it is like trying to squeeze a battle tank in your kitchen If you were a watchmaker and could build a tourbillon, you were a member of the club.

So if I were a watchmaker who spent countless hours building a tourbillon, I would probably want to display it in a proud and noble fashion and would want all the world to see my accomplishment. I would actually display it a lot like in this Frank Muller Long Island:

But whereas Frank Muller is a relatively new watchmaker, Patek Philppe has been around for ages. They are so good that building a tourbillon that to them is no big deal, so when they build a tourbillon, they tend it to build it like THIS:

Patek Philippe are so obnoxious that they don’t even feel the need to show off, in this 10 Day Tourbillon model , what many other watchmakers consider to be the most difficult complication in all the watchmaking world. They are like the poker player that never shows his cards, and they are just so good they don’t ever feel the need to advertise, and what’s worst off is that Patek Philippe are well aware of it.

So there you have it, Patek Philippe is truly for a man who has everything. Tourbillon watches costs TENS of THOUSANDS of dollars, and if I saved my pennies for a tourbillon watch I certainly would want to show it off or at least have it displayed for all the world to see. I, however, am quite a long way away from owning a tourbillon watch so to focus more on my price range, if I spent big dollars on a watch, I certainly wouldn’t want it looking like THIS:

Patek Philippe Golden Ellipse – 3738/100J Gents Watch

This is the Patek Philippe Golden Ellipse. Would you like to guess what this watch costs?

To the untrained eye it doesn’t really look all that spectacular. Its case is made of gold, but one can get a gold-cased watch for much less than this. It doesn’t have a date or even a seconds hand. Its dial is a somewhat sickly blue. I don’t know what Patek Philippe calls it, but I equate it to a blue found on the cuff links of old English huntsmen who still use muzzle loading rifles. I equate it to a blue that once was brilliant and bright but has since faded, I equate it to a blue only found on antique chamber pots, and I equate it to a blue that is found in certain types of moldy cheese. To put it simply, this blue is disgusting, and i don’t like it.

So I was somewhat astounded when I found out that this costs… and are you ready?

16 THOUSAND dollars!!!

Patek Philippe may have some modest styling, but its pricing is anything but. Their “entry level” models are obscenely overpriced. For their more complicated models I can I maybe understand the pricing, but to put things in perspective, you can buy a CAR for the money you pay for that sickly blue dullness; you can buy several big-screen plasma TV’s, you can even buy half of Mongolia for that money.

Believe me, you don’t want to know how much their more expensive models costs, but I will share with you that Patek Philippe are responsible for the one of the most complicated, most expensive, and most desierable wristwatches ever made.

Behold, the Patek Philippe Sky-Moon Tourbillon:

This too has a tourbillon, and just like the 10 Day Tourbillon, it is nowhere to be seen. It has a sky chart on the back side, it has the most complicated of all complications, and even if you could afford the $1.2 million price tag, you could not simply walk in a store and buy one. This is a great watch indeed, but I’m sad to say that even if you had the digits, the small production of only 1-2 a year means that the chances of you owning one are as small as the chances of you ever seeing one in person.

But there is hope, Patek Philippe are also responsible for this beautiful classic, and for the same $16 thousand you spend on the Golden Ellipse, you can have this:

Patek Philippe Calatrava – 5127J Gents Watch

This is the Patek Philippe Calatrava and in my opinion it is the very definition of a classic. It is mind-numbingly beautiful and in the humble opinion of this humble presenter, one of the iconic watches of our lifetime. The Peking Man walked around the plains of Eurasia with a Calatrava on its wrist, you can find fossilized Calatravas among bones of dead dinosaurs, and in some old art depictions of King Tut, a Calatrava can be found on his wrist.

This is a fantastic watch indeed! And if you have the digits, Patek Philippe is the way to go!