If you have visited the Rolex website in the past few days you have undoubtedly been invited to a screen full of tranquil underwater goodness as jellyfish roam about and bubbles effervesce. The date of April 3rd 2008 flashes on the screen and subtle hints as to the new Rolex model make your eyes strain in a useless pursuit for satisfaction.

Many variations to existing models have also been released, but this mystery “new” model is what everyone has been clamoring about, and for the fanatics out there April 3rd would’ve have seemed like an eternity away if Rolex had not let the details of their new model leak so early.

Well today is April 3rd 2008 and without any further adieu I present to you the brand-new Rolex DeepSea:

Hmm…

Well for starters this is not the entirely new model I had been expecting. Sure it is a new model but anyone who knows Rolex knows that this is mostly just a souped up version of their 50+ year old Submariner/Sea-Dweller icon.

You’d have to be a fool not to notice the similarities to the present-day SeaDweller:

Rolex Oyster Perpetual Sea Dweller 4000 Mens Watch 16600-BSO

The most notable difference I can see on this watch is that it has a much higher depth rating of 3900 meters. Compared to the 1220 meter depth rating on the present-day Sea Dweller and 300 meter depth rating on the Submariner models that is a vast improvement, and all the new text and thicker case seem to just accommodate that new feature.

That’s all good stuff, but…

WHAT IS THE DAMN POINT?!?

Human beings CANNOT survive dives beyond 300 meters of depth so you could make a watch with a million meter depth rating and it will be completely pointless. Besides that your typical Rolex owner is either too fat or too chicken to go diving in the first place.

Now I have to be honest and say that I don’t like this watch. What annoys me most of all beyond the useless depth capabilities is how much writing there is on the darn thing. Am I wearing a watch or reading a novel here?!?

On the dial:

ROLEX
Oyster Perpetual Date
DEEPSEA

SEA-DWELLER
12800ft = 3900m
Superlative Chronometer
Officially Certified

Swiss Made

On the crystal:

ORIGINAL GAS ESCAPE VALVE

RING LOCK SYSTEM

And that’s not to include all the serial numbers and stuff on the other parts of the watch.

Seriously, what is with all the writing?!? If I walked around with “Original Gas Escape Valve” written on my forehead people will throw eggs at me. It’s as if a car went rolling by with “Original Gas Escape System” written on its windshield or “Original Posterior Cushioning System” written on the hood.

I can’t even begin to understand what this means:

What a “Ring Lock System” is I have yet to figure out. I’m sure that I can find this out easily if I tried but I won’t because I don’t care because it’s something I don’t need or will ever use. This really is stupid, why not just write “Stainless Steel” on the watch while you’re at it.

Now the ONLY thing I like about this new DEEPSEA is the clasp. Now for your watch dummies out there a clasp is basically the device that fastens your bracelet on your wrist. You’ll find this on almost every metal bracelet watch out there and even on some leather and rubber strapped watches.

The problem with many Rolex clasps, however, is that it was noticeably flimsy for such an high-priced watch. Although functional, it always stood out as a weak link an an otherwise fantastic watch.

Here is your typical Rolex clasp which can still be found on a variety of Rolex models:

Just take my word for it, those thin pieces of steel on that clasp ARE as flimsy as they look. You could easily bend them with your hand if you wanted to and what’s more is that all the stamped engravings and logo all look as though they’ve been run through one of those weird penny warping machines you tend to find at national parks.

To my pleasure of late it seems as though Rolex have FINALLY heard the cries of their customers and have introduced new clasps to some of their models in the past few years.

I’m glad to announce that this new DeepSea will also get an all new clasp. I’m not yet privy as to how it works, but the pics of this new clasp shows promise indeed:

Yes that’s more like it. I just hope all of the Rolex models will sport clasps like this and maybe I’ll pick up a Rolex yet again.

During President’s Day my lady and I decided to indulge my brother’s interest in serial killers by watching the 2007 movie “Zodiac.” As a movie it is just fine; It has actors, it has a story, and it’s got all that good movie stuffing that we all know and love. About midway through the movie though, I just so happened to be eating my popcorn and drinking my Tequila Slammer when something in the movie shocked and awed me, and if what the movie says is true, then the Zodiac killer got his name FROM A WATCH!!!

Just a little background for those who are not in the know: The Zodiac Killer was a killer who terrorized northern California in the 60’s and 70’s by killing people(obviously), and then by mailing out cryptic messages that bragged about his crimes and of which hinted to further acts of violence. The continuing appearance of this symbol has since been associated with the Zodiac Killer.

You can see the usage of this symbol in the letter below:

Now even though the killer is unknown officially, the movie strongly suggests the killer is a man named Arthur Leigh Allen, and if that is the case, this Zodiac Sea Wolf was the Zodiac Killer’s watch:

Now if you are thinking this watch was some sick watchmaker’s homage to a criminal, then you are dead wrong. This watch was made well BEFORE the Zodiac Killer ever came into existence, and it is the ONLY usage of both the name “Zodiac” and the familiar symbol ever to appear together in the whole of history. And if that’s not enough, the suspected Zodiac Killer actually OWNED this watch.

Coincidence?

I think not! The Zodiac Killer got his name and his infamous symbol FROM A WATCH!!!

Now immediately following the movie the watch nut in me did some research on this company. I had never heard of them before, but everything I could find about this company suggested to me that this was just another relatively obscure watch company making humdrum watches for the masses.

They do have a bit of a history, but in the opinion of this humble presenter, they basically have a 100 year history of mediocrity. To my surprise however, I found that this company is still around and they are still making budget-priced watches for the masses. And what’s more of a surprise, there is actually a modern-day Zodiac Killer watch, a modern-day Zodiac Sea Wolf, and here it is:

To be honest with you, I have never been so unexcited about a watch before. To me it just looks like another Rolex Submariner knockoff coupled with a touch of Seiko Monster knockoff. The few who have purchased this watch are probably unaware of the interesting history behind it, but if it is indeed history you are after, see if you can hunt down a vintage Sea Wolf and pass on this modern monstrosity.