What I like about Rolex is that they never seem to shamelessly cater to the idiots out there.  They know that no matter what they do and what disasters may encounter this world, they will turn out alright.  If the rich people of a capitalist nation gets overthrow, the new dictators will gladly pick up the slack.  Rolex watches have been the staple in luxury watches and a household name.

You have heard me rant about the endless stream of limited edition watches and logoed watches that other companies make in the hopes of making money.  Omega, for example, makes a new limited edition watch every couple days, and while I was just typing that sentence, a dozen new limited editions came out while I was doing that.  But believe me when I say that when Rolex comes out with a special edition whatever, it really is to mark an occasion.

And what occasion is more special to Rolex than the 50th Anniversary of their iconic Rolex Submariner:

Rolex Oyster Perpetual Submariner Date Steel Mens Watch 50th Anniversary Edition 16610LV

To be honest, in my lifetime I can’t really remember a Rolex limited edition, and 50 years of an icon is certainly something to celebrate.  This watch is just like the standard Submariner date except with the obvious change from the black bezel to the green bezel, but some other subtle changes are on it as well, such as the addition of larger markers on the dial.

The only probably with this Submariner is that there doesn’t seem to be any limit to its production.  Where I concede that Omega and the lot come out with a lot of limited edition wathes, they actually go about LIMITING their production, but with this Submariner I can find this Submariner everywhere I go.

This is very old news indeed, but is still one of my favorite tales of a watch in pop culture.

For a little background for those too young or forgetful to remember, in 1994 the world over watched as a seemingly guilty former football star named O.J. Simpson was found not guilty for the murders of his ex-wife Nicole Brown and her friend Ron Goldman.

It was an upsetting loss for the families of the victims, but in 1997 some solace came in the way of a wrongful death civil trial victory. This basically ordered O.J. Simpson to pay the victims’ families over $30 million in damages. The fact that O.J. didn’t have that much money, however, landed him in the situation that he would have to pretty much give over all of his worldly possessions and future earnings to the Goldman and Brown family.

Years of loopholes and convenient relocations, however, have meant that the Goldman and Brown families couldn’t exactly net every single dollar they had coming to them. So naturally when they saw this on O.J.’s wrist, they sprung into action:

To the untrained eyes this looks like an everyday solid gold Rolex Submariner that can be had for around $18,000 – $22,000 depending on where you shop. To the Goldman and Brown families this represented a whole lot more. To them it was not only $10,000+ in uncollected debt, but a sign of disrespect.

How can a man who supposeably murder their kids and owes them millions of dollars, after all, still be rolling around with a bling Rolex on his wrist?

Your ordinary Rolex Submariner is made largely of stainless steel and can be had for about $5,000. O.J.’s Rolex, however, is a SOLID GOLD model that costs at least 3 times as much. Not only is O.J. ballin’ with a Rolex, but with one of the most bling Rolex watches that can be had. In my mind, this is an unacceptable situation.

Well luckily a judge felt the same way that I did and ordered that the watch be turned over to Fred Goldman, the father of the murdered Ron Goldman, so that Fred can now spend his days ballin’ just like O.J.

But wait…

Naturally when you think of NFL football players retired or otherwise, you think that a Rolex and the high life comes as an industry standard. Even when celebrities are down it seems as though they still manage to live their lives on a higher plane than you.

When I heard of O.J.’s Rolex tale I thought it an amusing little tidbit at first, but it seems that it took an even more interesting turn when it was found that the Rolex O.J. handed over was a Chinese fake barely worth a hundred bucks.

I guess he wasn’t doing so well after all…

With spring blossoming in large parts of the northern hemisphere many of us Rolex wearing office dwellers may have our minds on taking a little vacation to ease our souls from the tedium of our everyday lives. Whether it be a weekend tryst with your sweetie or a full blown out excursion into areas unknown, the time to get out is here, but I warn you, if you are thinking about wearing your Rolex overseas, think again!

I know that you may think that just because you wear your Rolex everywhere in your cushy suburb without incident that it is just as fine to wear your Rolex everywhere and anywhere else in the world without incident as well. You may even have one of those “discreet” Rolex models, and you may think to yourself that no criminal could possibly distinguish this watch from the ordinary. That, unfortunately, is not the case.

Well to state the obvious for all you golf playing, SUV driving, Polo shirt wearing, big house dwelling Blackberry jockeys out there! While we may think that our affluent suburb may, or should represent the status quo for all the parts in the world, that is very far from the truth. While your high-priced watch may seem like just an expensive trinket to you, to many of the bad elements in other parts of world that watch is their meal ticket, and they will gladly chop off your hand to get at it. If you put things in perspective, a Rolex watch represents more than the annual income of a huge percentage of the worlds’ population so the temptation for evildoers is very high indeed.

So why is it particularly dangerous to wear a Rolex as opposed to another high dollar watch brand?

Well as much as I hate to admit it, Rolex is the most highly regarded watch brand in the world. And it is made particularly valuable by the fact that Rolex is one of few brands that NEVER discount, and also by the fact that Rolex frequently increase their prices. The end result is a watch that retains their value like no other brand can.

On top of that, for all intents and purposes it is very easy to recognize a Rolex, because short of the obscure Rolex Cellini line, the Rolex Oyster line, which consists of the vast majority of Rolex watches bought and sold in the world, have very distinguishing features that even the most blurry-eyed of bandits can recognize.

One dead giveaway is the date magnification bubble, or as we watch enthusiasts like to call it, the “cyclops lens.”

Rolex Oyster Perpetual Submariner Date Steel Mens Watch 16610

This useless lens used only by Rolex (and imitators) magnifies the date excactly 2.5 times. Honestly I find it more distracting than helpful, but if your Rolex has a date function, than unless your watch is a Rolex Sea-Dweller, your watch has got this very recognizable feature.

On top of that Rolex watches really only use TWO bracelet patterns. They may have leather straps on some models and a “President” bracelet for their really high-end models, but for all intents and purposes you will find the vast majority of Rolex watches sporting a bracelet that looks either like this “Oyster” band:

Or like this Rolex “Jubilee” band:

They may have different polishes and may be made of different metals such as gold or whatever, but the patterns are still easily recognizable to those who are lurking about.

The fact that there are so many imitations and fakes out there may help your chances a little bit if you dare to venture to area unknown with such an expensive watch on your wrist. I heard stories in which a Rolex was used to get tourists out of a tight situation abroad, but the stories of tourists being mugged,hurt, or even killed far outweigh those. It is just not worth the risk.

My friends father, a scientist and world explorer has always advised travelers to look impoverished while traveling abroad, and that’s a policy I think we should all live by. So my advice to the travelers of the world is to save your showing off for the local mall and enjoy your vacation without the worries.

You are just awakening from your slumber. The lights are dim as the sun rises and the radiating beads of water soothes your nerve as you shower and get ready for your long day, and then suddenly, as if out of nowhere, your beloved better half comes running into the bathroom to announce that your mother has called and said she is going to pay you a surprise visit and is already ON THE WAY!

Now that wouldn’t bother the many good sons out there, but given my particular distaste toward my mother, that was shocking news indeed. It didn’t really register with me since I hadn’t seen my mother in a month, and it was no longer in her style to pay surprise visits to my humble abode, but because it came from my adorable little piglet I had no reason at all to doubt her.

So I come rushing out of the shower in a towel-soaked panic and attempt to make a call to my mother to inquire as to the puzzling circumstance that might bring her to my dwelling on this most random of Tuesdays.

Then… comes the “April Fool’s!” delivery .

Good one…

I really dread this day. Constantly looking over your shoulder to see who might trick you next tends to make one feel like a hunted animal.

Fortunately enough though, this is also a day where you get to fool people without consequence. You can even wear a fake watch, or an imitation watch, and the chances are that I will not scold you for it. The rest of the 364 days of the year please beware, because if I catch you wearing a fake, Big Poppa is gonna come for YOU!

Well all this April Fool’s stuff has got me thinking about how many watch imitations and counterfeits there are and how brazenly those wearers show off their crass forgeries. And when it comes to watch companies, no company is more notorious for imitations than the Invicta watch company.

You see, Invicta is a watch company that may have some history and a variety of models in all shapes and sizes, but they are notorious in the watch world for imitating the models of other brands, most notably Rolex.

Don’t just take my word for it, here are some of MANY examples.

Here is the iconic Rolex Submariner. You have seen this on the watch in more Bond movies than any other watch. This watch is arguably the most iconic watch of our time, the most imitated, and the most important. I owned one several years ago, and for me, it’s not hard to see why the world loves this watch:

Here’s the real deal, the real McCoy, the legendary Rolex Submariner:

Rolex Oyster Perpetual Submariner Date Steel Mens Watch 16610

Now here is the strikingly similar Invicta Pro Diver:

Invicta Men’s Automatic Pro Diver S2 Stainless Steel 8926OB

Not enough convincing, here is yet another model for your viewing pleasure:

Rolex Platinum Yachtmaster:

GENUINE MANS ROLEX STAINLESS YACHTMASTER FULLSIZE 16622

And now the Invicta version of it:

Invicta Men’s Pro Diver Collection Automatic Watch #9210

A non Rolex here with the Bell & Ross BR-01:

Bell & Ross Men’s Watches Instrument BR 01-92 BR01-92-BLK-SL-PVD – WW

And here is the Invicta version:

Invicta Square Corduba 3964 (Men’s)

Ladies and gentlemen, if I listed out all the models Invicta has copied then I will be here all day.

I, however, can see the reason why many of you might be tempted to purchase one of these imitations. From a bargaining standpoint it makes absolute sense. I mean why pay several thousands of dollars on a watch when you can have a watch that looks just like it for no more than a few hundred?

I’ll tell you why…

If you are thinking about buying these watches for the look than you are just kidding yourselves. I’m willing to bet that your frugal butt might buy one of these in the hopes of fooling some poor soul into thinking you actual have the real deal, and that the deception might automatically open up penthouse doors to a world of naked women and various other forms of debauchery. I don’t know what you may be thinking, but you are not fooling anyone.

Rather than let my imagination run wild I will just suggest that you steer clear of Invicta. They may look the same, but THEY ARE NOT THE SAME!!!

Bottom Line: If you want a Rolex Submariner, BUY A ROLEX SUBMARINER!!!

After a long absence I’m proud to say your humble presenter is back.

I’m afraid though that I must share a travesty.  That being that while I was attending a convention for my company, I saw some wayward soul wearing a fake two-tone Rolex Submariner.

The bleeding heart in me knows that some day some watchful eye will spot the obvious forgery and the ill-intentioned wearer will one day be hugely embarrassed.